2b: Journal Writing Experience

I have to say this has been harder than I thought. For this task I choose a performance I did in a famous TV program here in Italy where I got asked to sing to represent my council. Probably my mistake has been recording my thoughts on my journal after few days from the performance, this froze my memories a little bit and I struggled a to re-evocate what I felt on the spot. Definitely a lesson learned...writing down everything as soon as possible!

Unfortunately the show is only viewable online within the country but as soon as I manage to put up the video of my performance on YouTube I will post the link.

Description - First of all I have to say that coming from a Musical Theatre background I never really got interested in TV in general, I've always been more keen on performing on stage. Said this, after this experience I had to change my mind a little bit. I really enjoyed seeing how a TV show works and how it's constructed and I will definitely now be looking into this field for work as well.

As I said I got asked to sing to compete against another town, myself with a group of people had to participate with games, artistic performances (singing and dancing) and quizzes. Also the show was live in the RAI studios in Rome ( what BBC is for the U.K. ) so I enjoyed taking 3 days trip to the our beautiful capital.

Initial Reflection - I approached the whole thing with a bit of negativity. To start with I only had a bit more than a week to prepare the song, I was feeling not vey well and I was going to choose between this and another job as an extra in a TV commercial. Of course like OFTEN happens in our business, after months of a non-job period, more than one come at the same time!!! So I picked the TV program as I was gonna be seen nation wide and I din't want miss on the opportunity.

It was strange because even if it was a total new experience for me, I felt at ease around the studios. Of course rehearsing the show with a live band and a famous orchestra leader made me feel nervous, also the loss of my voice and my sickness didn't help, but somehow I managed pretty well.

List - My list was a bit contradictory, it was full of positive words like sun, happiness, will to do good, and words like uncertainty, asthma, sore throat, responsibility so I have to say it was a good mixture of feelings that balanced the whole experience... There can't be a good performance without fear and feeling nervous...it was the right dose of everything.

Evaluation - By the time I had to perform I got better (thank God!) and I felt I did a good performance after all. This was the section I did write the most on my journal, I think is has to be because it's where I discovered something I wasn't aware of until I was writing it down. Something similar happened to Alana's , I realized we where sharing the same "Eureka moment" like she described it ... we both realized something new only after having written it down on our journal...kind of amazing! 

A concrete idea of what Boud says: writing a journal in different ways for different reasons, all leading to the same result of learning.

My Eureka moment was to notice how the camera and performing in a TV studio is less nerve-racking than performing on stage. This can probably be easily understood because of the absence of a real audience, but for me being used to a theatre or having an audience, I was fearing the different scenario.
I thought it would have been harder to portray what I was singing if I didn't feel the need to "arrive" to my audience, people that are there listening and expecting to somehow receive something from me and my performance.
In few words I didn't feel I had to succeed expectations even though I still did! I discovered that having less people in front of me, and most of them not even paying attention to me, made me more calm therefore my voice was steadier and less trembling. But if I really thought about it I had a huge audience behind the camera!!! This feeling of calmness made me concentrate more and perform well (at least I was satisfied)...it was like singing alone in the shower but being aware of having a ghost audience...very weird feeling!

I did notice that, on a technical point of view, I should avoid singing straight into the camera. When the other singer sung and looked directly into it I didn't like the result, so I avoided that and liked it better when I watched myself later on...I felt it was more believable.

What if - The first thing that came to my mind was what if something went wrong, it was a live show!!!
I think I would have tried to carry on without making my mistake noticeable but I'm very happy I didn't have to reflect-in-action ! It's alway hard to react quick enough to overcome the problem...performing live force you to be ON what's happening with 100% of your concentration.
But what I would have loved to happen is if someone important would have been there and I would have impressed him/her... maybe offering me a job... enlarging my networking ... if, from this experience, another even better would have come out from.

Another view - I thought of seeing the experience from the other contestant's point of view. She was a professional singer that won that TV show for 3 weeks consecutively, so for sure she was way more confident and knew what she was doing better than me. She also had confidence with most of the people working there... since the show worked with people voting from home she, in the end, won the competition as her town was well into the show by now.
She was nice and not competitive for what it seemed but I'm sure she felt she had more chances than me...she gave me genuine tips as she saw I was un-well but I'm sure she still wanted to do better as in the end it was indeed a competition.

Theme - I valued the most the experience of singing with a live orchestra. I'd done it before but not having a whole orchestra for me. I definitely valued the networking I did during this 2 days, especially getting to know the orchestra leader which is very talented and knowledgable in fact of music ( and very famous for what it counts ) and gave me his sincere compliments and his bitterness about loosing the game. I definitely valued the fact that my profession brought me to Rome where the studios where, and also getting to know a group of people that travelled with me that I probably wouldn't have known otherwise.
But most of all, and this may sound a bit selfish, I valued the fact that this show gave me the chance to show and letting the people of my town getting to know me artistically rather than only personally...having trained away from home never gave me the opportunity to show my capability and artistry with the people I grew up with...I received loads of good comments especially coming from people I wouldn't have expected before...it has been a quite pleasant outcome for me.

I would probably prepare more next time as I could choose a song that better represent myself and my voice style, also I would rest more as I arrived very tired because of the long journey we had.

An overall great experience that in the beginning gave me loads of doubts, complications and negative thoughts...maybe I was giving myself excuses because I wasn't feeling going on TV...this was a good lesson for me as I should never relax and get into a comfort zone when I perhaps work less than other moments...a very easy place to go to for us performers!!! Someone agrees or disagrees with me? Please say so if you feel like it :)